Play Free Realms NowJoin Free Realms Insider

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Title: A story.

  1. #1
    jellaybeanny is offline Amateur Gamer
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    120

    Default A story.

    Guys, I'm just writing this, and please tell me if I should continue.

    I pedaled quickly on my Futuristic Bike, a rare ride that only a few have in the Realms. My dirty blonde hair flailed behind me as I went around the small islands towards the Memorial Caverns. Each day, I passed the large castle in the Sanctuary on my way to work, giving tours to visitors from other Realms in the Caverns. I absolutely loved my job, and I felt like it was the best job in the world!

    My hand met my hot pink felt beret as it tried to fly off like past times, but not today. I couldn't be late for work because a few important people were visiting the Caverns on a private tour. Of course, I wasn't told who these people were, or else I could have looked better.

    I parked my bike in a dry area behind the large waterfall that was next to Memorial Caverns, then I went inside the entrance. I wore a hot pink chunin ninja gi, black skinny jeans, and hot pink hightops to match. Then, there came my duelist utility belt. I was very fond of my belt since my older brother gave it to me before travelling on to another realm. I haven't seen him for three years now. Strolling down the giant logs that served as a walkway, I heard voices coming from below, most likely the tourists I was taking on. I reached the bottom and to my surprise, I saw five boys and my boss.

    "Ahh Rainbow! Finally you have arrived. Boys, this is your tourist Rainbow, and she will be showing you the Memorial Caverns," my boss introduced, nodding towards me. They turned and I finally saw that these boys weren't ordinary boys. They were One Direction.

    One Direction is very popular in Free Realms, and their accents makes a bunch of girls, and even some boys, faint. Their voices are like angels, and their wardrobe is like no other. They were eccentric, unique! They were perfect.

    I gulped and waved lightly, showing off a smile.

    "Hiya Rainbow! I'm Louis, this is Niall, Liam, Zayn, and Harry," Louis said, gesturing to his fellow bandmates.

    "And we're One Direction!" They exclaimed like they have practiced so many times before.

    "Nice to meet you all. Now if you could just follow me, we could start off our tour of the Memorial Caverns. Remember, don't drift off from the crowd, and if you have any questions, be sure to ask me." I explained, beginning to walk into the Caverns. They followed close behind, 'ooing' and 'aahing' at the sites.

    "Trust me, this is nothing," I said, giggling.


    Yeah I'm gonna stop there. Tell me what you think?

  2. #2
    chase123456tan's Avatar
    chase123456tan is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,730

    Default Re: A story.

    In my opinion,you could add a little more of your imagination.
    But thats just me.
    I am a terrible writer,after all.
    I like it.
    Not too crazy about One Direction,but,oh well.
    Its your story.
    KATAANG
    I'm taking the Timeless Isle for the GEAR!
    Beware, Thunder King, nobody is safe from my monk.

  3. #3
    bnbnbnbn34299's Avatar
    bnbnbnbn34299 is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    2,064

    Default Re: A story.

    It's nice so far. But I think having ingame references is cooler. The Realmkeepers could tour the caves.....that would be epic.
    I hardly call this place perfect. But I'm a mess, who can't handle any friendship without ruining it and has no one to turn to now.
    I belong right here, and I'm not moving. Ever again.

  4. #4
    ArtimisM is offline Explorer
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    82

    Default Re: A story.

    I must admit I'm not a HIGE fan of one direction. I like their music but in my opinion it is overplayed. Anyways, back to the story. I like that you use in-game references and all and the plot is fine. I could see how you could make it into longer story more than just a few pages thick and it does have some potential. Personally though I'm not a fan of One Direction so if you do confine to post I may not read it but that doesn't change the fact it is still a good story. But that's just my opinion.

  5. #5
    Flazh / Nadia's Avatar
    Flazh / Nadia is offline Explorer
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    58

    Default Re: A story.

    I agree on that

  6. #6
    Rainbows's Avatar
    Rainbows is offline Pro Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    731

    Default Re: A story.

    I am not a fan of One Direction, but like others have said, "Its your story."

    I think you should add a little more description and detail, you sort of skip around and tell the story to quickly for it to sink in, you also are not descriptive enough for it to be imagined fully. You should also give some back ground on Rainbow (Hehe! That's my username!).

    Other than that, its good! Please continue.
    IGN: Rainbows
    The Walking Dead, Zombies, Art, Slipknot, Metallica, Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour, System of a Down, Five Finger Death Punch, Skyrim, Assassins Creed, and Reddit...Yeah

  7. #7
    JasmineJovda's Avatar
    JasmineJovda is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,117

    Default Re: A story.

    Uh.. Is this a fan-fiction? Is the main idea about FR and One Direction? Your fantasized, game, love? Maybe continue and finish this on here: Wattpad - Discover a World of Unlimited Stories - Read free books and stories

    Also, I think you should do more details to help you get more readers.
    Last edited by JasmineJovda; 06-14-2013 at 03:01 PM.
    Eren, the reason you couldn't save your mother is that you were weak. The reason why I didnt fight the titan was that I was afraid. ~Hannes[/CENTER]

  8. #8
    Element's Avatar
    Element is offline Pro Gamer
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    759

    Default Re: A story.

    Maybe include a bit more on your reaction of when you saw them. I don't care for One Direction that much, but if I just randomly met them, I'd still freak out just because they're so well known. But good job so far.


  9. #9
    Rainbows's Avatar
    Rainbows is offline Pro Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    731

    Default Re: A story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Element View Post
    Maybe include a bit more on your reaction of when you saw them. I don't care for One Direction that much, but if I just randomly met them, I'd still freak out just because they're so well known. But good job so far.

    I would freak out just to try and get an autograph.
    I am pretty sure it would be worth a good amount of money.
    IGN: Rainbows
    The Walking Dead, Zombies, Art, Slipknot, Metallica, Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour, System of a Down, Five Finger Death Punch, Skyrim, Assassins Creed, and Reddit...Yeah

  10. #10
    Flamey's Avatar
    Flamey is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    1,442

    Default Re: A story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    I would freak out just to try and get an autograph.
    I am pretty sure it would be worth a good amount of money.

    Same here, I would just try to get their autograph and sell it on Ebay or something.




Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •