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  1. #1
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
    jaaaaaaaaack is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Goddess of the Hunt

    Hello. I am writing a new story, and trying a new writing style, if you have read my other story before, you might notice?. the first chapter doesn't completely make sense, in my head, but I will go over it and edit after i get some comments on it.
    Go ahead and criticize me but don't be a meanie head about it.
    This story is fiction, meaning it is not a true one. Nothing is real, the people aren't real, the places aren't real. *Im just saying this 'cos i feel somebody is gonna comment on that :3* Also, sorry I did not realize how much I had wrote when I was writing it xD
    --

    Sappy romance and vampyre rumors. Why are they so important to the youth of the recent generation? Making their way up to older ones and knocking actual life out the way, and I shouldn't let them get in the way of my own. Watching the locals talk on about these things make me sick. Literally. But why should I care about how they think? I am leaving this dead beat town today, anyways.
    Mills is a hardly populated town (actually, we only have about 100 people here) and only has one school, one local grocery store, and so on. Having a desert climate, we don't get visitors or any new residences, here in Atilla.

    I am Iiana. I am a high priestess who represents the goddess, Lia, goddess of the hunt. She is of new mythology that many people of my planet follow. I look at my skin, it is a light shade of brown, decorated in many shapes and designs of the Atilla people, they are tattoos that mark who I am. The high priestess, however, I am dropping the position today, my final day here. The people of my town don't seem affected by my choice. Good. I am headed to the town square.

    As I walk, my slippers stir the dirt road and smooth, white dress slides behind me. This town looks poor but it is very rich in history, Atilla used to be one of the richest places on this planet, which is Zila, planet number 30 (meaning there are 29 planets between the oldest sun and us) but on our back sides, there are 2 planets between us in the new sun. The streets here are of an Old English style that we learned about from a planet called Earth, which no longer has life. The homes have live oak trees and the drive ways are of dirt, like the streets. No one is outside playing, it is a school day.


    I hurry to the town square, arriving there a few minutes later. I smile and think, "Oh! There is my dear friend, Sally." Sally is a short, round girl who has orange curls and lively green eyes, she has been my friend since grade school. I walk across the square, which has stone ground now, and hug her. "Lia," she says, "I heard a rumor that you were leaving. Is this true?" I close my eyes, "My friend, I was not going to tell another soul but the mayor but it seems he has opened his mouth and spilled." I open my eyes and look at her, her little face becoming a light shade of red, "Do not get angry. It is for the best." She opens her mouth, "I heard from him, indeed. I never thought you of all people could abandon her duties, High priestess. Oh, Lia. Poor Lia. May you tell me the conversation?"

    She has a worried look upon her face. A burning feeling over comes me, I am about to be taken over by the goddess I represent, "I will not, you have no part in my personal affairs, servent. Get a move on and never talk to anybody about Iiana and me again." Sally's face was of anger, she knew Lia was talking but she brung it upon herself to call Lia, by calling me the goddesses name, Lia hated that. I walked away towards the mayor's home, the only home in town square and knocked on the door. I wasn't myself, I saw and heard everything Lia did if she was me, just as she saw and heard everything I did. When she was me, I couldn't talk. When she was me, my eyes were purple, when they are naturally hazel.

    The door opened and a handsome, short man appeared, "Ah...Lia. Come in, if you may." She stormed in and picked the man up, "Mayor, is it your job to start the rumors and gossip or are you deaf? Nobody was to know of my disappearance but it seems others know." He hissed at me, "Lia, I command you to stop your foolishness and release me." She did not. "Fine, fine! I told only Sally. She just left my home not too long ago, actually. I was hoping she could talk sense into Iiana to not leave and save her life!" Lia let go, "Iiana... she is a good girl. She hears me now and sees what I do with our body as we speak. But as my body, she knows she must do as I say, I tell her to leave. I know she will die. She does know this now."
    Last edited by jaaaaaaaaack; 05-30-2012 at 06:28 PM. Reason: Grammarrrr<3



  2. #2
    Miss Morose's Avatar
    Miss Morose is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Goddess of the Hunt

    Nice story Jack! Look forward to reading more! :]
    Morose: Having a withdrawn gloomy personality.
    IGN: Heather Mistblade

  3. #3
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
    jaaaaaaaaack is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Goddess of the Hunt

    Thank you very much



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