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  1. #1
    Keith Lifemetal's Avatar
    Keith Lifemetal is offline Amateur Gamer
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    Default A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    I would like this book to be published. I am good in to spelling, Reading and writing and get A's so I Thought that i would like to start writing. here is part 1/2 of the first chapter of UNEXPECTED WISHES

    Chapter 1

    Its was a summer day in California, Just a normal day. But not for Zack. He was moving to Ohio. "Are we there yet?" said Zack. "No Zack," Said Zacks mom. "Just stop asking and we will be there in a jiff." When they got there, Zack said, "Thats it? this is such a small house!" "Its all I could afford," said Zacks mom. "I'm sorry, I just hasn't been the same without your father-" "I'm not talking about father, mom." And as he said this, He stormed into the small house. Because it was so small he was able to find his room quickly. He was happy he brought his suitcase so he had something to do to take his mind off things. At dinner, Zacks mom said, "Honey, I know things are hard right now without Your Dad, But you are going to have to get over it sometime." "You are right mom," said Zack "I am sorry I snapped at you." I forgive you Honey." That night He Dreamed of his father. Zacks mom said he died in a car crash. The next morning, Zack went outside. He found a trail which seemed to lead to the mountians. He told his mom he was going for a walk and to go exploring. As he followed that trail, He listened to birds and deer running away and nature stuff like that. Once he reached the begging slope of the mountian, He started climbing. He climbed and he climed and he climbed untill his feet were tired and he was almost to the top of the mountian. Once he got to the top, He rested his legs as he was heavily breathing. He looked through the vally down bellow and saw water. He ran down the mountian and drank the water. It tasted like a cool waterfall down his throat.
    If you are an Insider, I would love to be your friend. All you have to do is sent me a request. I am usually on server 1 so just send me a request and I would be happy to accept!!!

  2. #2
    Princess Celestina's Avatar
    Princess Celestina is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    I think it's interesting so far, but, you should be more descriptive and explain what the surroundings look like so that the reader will have a pretty good mental picture of what is going on (although that last sentence was a pretty good one). Also, you may not be one for spelling and grammar (heh heh I am... It kinda runs in the family (except when I'm typing messages like on here)), but, when it comes to writing a book, you have to make sure that mistakes like that are corrected.
    I give you a thumbs up so far!

    Where you stop is where you start again.
    Celestina Corinne

  3. #3
    Keith Lifemetal's Avatar
    Keith Lifemetal is offline Amateur Gamer
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    Default Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    Quote Originally Posted by iLoveVBall11 View Post
    I think it's interesting so far, but, you should be more descriptive and explain what the surroundings look like so that the reader will have a pretty good mental picture of what is going on (although that last sentence was a pretty good one). Also, you may not be one for spelling and grammar (heh heh I am... It kinda runs in the family (except when I'm typing messages like on here)), but, when it comes to writing a book, you have to make sure that mistakes like that are corrected.
    I give you a thumbs up so far!
    Ok I will try to make more discriptive words in the next part of the chapter. I didn't mean to make those mistakes. I didn't proofread it, so that may have been the problem. any way, thanks for the advice!
    If you are an Insider, I would love to be your friend. All you have to do is sent me a request. I am usually on server 1 so just send me a request and I would be happy to accept!!!

  4. #4
    Princess Celestina's Avatar
    Princess Celestina is offline Master Gamer
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    Icon7 Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    Quote Originally Posted by Keenan259 View Post
    Ok I will try to make more discriptive words in the next part of the chapter. I didn't mean to make those mistakes. I didn't proofread it, so that may have been the problem. any way, thanks for the advice!
    Np! Anytime

    Where you stop is where you start again.
    Celestina Corinne

  5. #5
    Gladkathie is offline Explorer
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    Default Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    Yo, nice story, love the basic idea.
    Two comments:
    "and nature stuff like that" <-- No "stuff like that" you are writing about forest, birds, deers, used your imagination well, wrote it down well, and after all great things, you ruin it with stuff like "stuff like that" :-DDDD

    The other thing is an advice: use more spaces in your text, like next line each time someone who wasn't speaking til then starts a sentence. It may not seem important, because it doesn't change what's in your text, but definetly makes it more readable, and nicer to the eyes. Imagine if someone would give you a book, and when you open it, it's filled with text without enters, raw, big amount of text. It can be a very good book, but probably it will take away your will to read it.

    That's all. Keep up the good work.

  6. #6
    Ella Sparkleflower's Avatar
    Ella Sparkleflower is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    WOW! nice! thumbs up! awesome!

    SEID IHR DAS ESSEN? NIEN, WIR SIND DIE JÄGER

  7. #7
    toxicpoptart's Avatar
    toxicpoptart is offline Amateur Gamer
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    Default Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    thats really good i cant wait for the next chapter/part 2

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  8. #8
    gavin's Avatar
    gavin is offline Amateur Gamer
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    Default Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    nice I READ ALL THE SPOILERS MWAHAHAHA! ROFL

  9. #9
    Amanda Precioussaber's Avatar
    Amanda Precioussaber is offline Master Gamer
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    Icon6 Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    Quote Originally Posted by Keith Lifemetal View Post
    I would like this book to be published. I am good in to spelling, Reading and writing and get A's so I Thought that i would like to start writing. here is part 1/2 of the first chapter of UNEXPECTED WISHES

    Chapter 1

    Its was a summer day in California, Just a normal day. But not for Zack. He was moving to Ohio. "Are we there yet?" said Zack. "No Zack," Said Zacks mom. "Just stop asking and we will be there in a jiff." When they got there, Zack said, "Thats it? this is such a small house!" "Its all I could afford," said Zacks mom. "I'm sorry, I just hasn't been the same without your father-" "I'm not talking about father, mom." And as he said this, He stormed into the small house. Because it was so small he was able to find his room quickly. He was happy he brought his suitcase so he had something to do to take his mind off things. At dinner, Zacks mom said, "Honey, I know things are hard right now without Your Dad, But you are going to have to get over it sometime." "You are right mom," said Zack "I am sorry I snapped at you." I forgive you Honey." That night He Dreamed of his father. Zacks mom said he died in a car crash. The next morning, Zack went outside. He found a trail which seemed to lead to the mountians. He told his mom he was going for a walk and to go exploring. As he followed that trail, He listened to birds and deer running away and nature stuff like that. Once he reached the begging slope of the mountian, He started climbing. He climbed and he climed and he climbed untill his feet were tired and he was almost to the top of the mountian. Once he got to the top, He rested his legs as he was heavily breathing. He looked through the vally down bellow and saw water. He ran down the mountian and drank the water. It tasted like a cool waterfall down his throat.
    Very, very good. Yet 2 comments. 1. "and stuff like that" when you say that, it sorta sounds like you don't really care about what the place looks like, be more descriptive.
    2. When a different person starts talking, make a new paragraph. That's what my teacher told me.
    Otherwise. I give you 2 thumbs up. *put thumbs up*
    My internet has been out for quite a while now, so I won't be able to get on.
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    I feel like that cat right now.


  10. #10
    pacos99's Avatar
    pacos99 is offline Explorer
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    Default Re: A book I would like to get published: Unexpected Wshes

    Well, in my story (or book), I have made some illustrations, have you tried doing illustrations? Like I have the story, World of Craziness, and I made a purple and green cat, which is the color of the beast!

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