Play Free Realms NowJoin Free Realms Insider

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
Like Tree1Likes

Title: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

  1. #1
    Overlord Joshua's Avatar
    Overlord Joshua is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,886

    Default WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    My name is Matthew Brett Cardona. I go by Zack Ryder on TV. I'm that new WWE WOO WOO WOO kid. I turned heel after WM... WM29. This is my story of why i changed... let me start from the begginging..

    I was just walking down the street my long long hair. Tired after all. A NY rainy day. It was 2009 after all. I thought I needed a change. When I was home in my house in LI I cut off my hair. Grabbed my glasses. Went out every where and pumped my fist till I found... The Zack ryder gimmick for WWE.

    I got there and was excited for a change. I just sat there. I had my tights on and my shirt and glasses. Waiting for my match against Ryback!

    Ryback came out and said, "Good luck squirt..."

    He was a huge guy. Bigger than me! Then I came out... My song Radio played and ran out holding up my fingers making... "LI".

    I was the WOO WOO WOO kid!

    We were wrestling. I lost. He grabbed a mic and yelled in it, " FEED ME MORE!!!!" Then he dropped the mic. I felt like I broke a bone... I was fine for now. But i will rematch him. I will...

    TO BE CONTINUED. What happens after the match!


    He turned from this to this

    RYBACK!!!! FEED ME MORE!!!!!

    Also The story is about how he changed in Wrestle Mania 29 from 2009 to 2013 Then on to the future ... Hope you enjoy....
    Last edited by Overlord Joshua; 05-21-2013 at 12:23 AM.

    No-L GamingTV~
    PM or VM me if your interested in my channel. I got 2 subs and 6 videos.

  2. #2
    Overlord Joshua's Avatar
    Overlord Joshua is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,886

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    I might make Chapter 2 on here along with 3! 5 likes and 10 comments!!! To CONTINUE!!!!

    No-L GamingTV~
    PM or VM me if your interested in my channel. I got 2 subs and 6 videos.

  3. #3
    Overlord Joshua's Avatar
    Overlord Joshua is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,886

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    Bummmmmmp!!!er Cars

    No-L GamingTV~
    PM or VM me if your interested in my channel. I got 2 subs and 6 videos.

  4. #4
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
    jaaaaaaaaack is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    4,126

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    Hi Josh, I've read your story [chapter 1] and I have to say..

    I think you could've written more for a Chapter because this is just a paragraph with sentences that aren't constructed very well. I see that more details, even the minor ones, are important because I had to reread a couple times just to realize that this person got somewhere. So you should add minor and major details. Also, sentence structure is very important!

    In my opinion, this seems more like an biography then a fan based story since you're actually writing something about a living, breathing person, that really happened and not a character from a book or something. Details and true facts will be important.

    This story doesn't appeal to me since I haven't watched WWE Smackdown probably since 2008. I don't know who these people are at all.. But it's just my opinion. I'm sure there are some fans around this site that will get [understand] you but I'm not appealed.

    P.s. sorry if I seem harsh or rude, I am not intending that - I'm just giving constructive criticism and self opinion
    Last edited by jaaaaaaaaack; 05-21-2013 at 05:12 PM. Reason: adding breaks
    chase123456tan likes this.



  5. #5
    Overlord Joshua's Avatar
    Overlord Joshua is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,886

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by jaaaaaaaaack View Post
    Hi Josh, I've read your story [chapter 1] and I have to say..

    I think you could've written more for a Chapter because this is just a paragraph with sentences that aren't constructed very well. I see that more details, even the minor ones, are important because I had to reread a couple times just to realize that this person got somewhere. So you should add minor and major details. Also, sentence structure is very important!

    In my opinion, this seems more like an biography then a fan based story since you're actually writing something about a living, breathing person, that really happened and not a character from a book or something. Details and true facts will be important.

    This story doesn't appeal to me since I haven't watched WWE Smackdown probably since 2008. I don't know who these people are at all.. But it's just my opinion. I'm sure there are some fans around this site that will get [understand] you but I'm not appealed.

    P.s. sorry if I seem harsh or rude, I am not intending that - I'm just giving constructive criticism and self opinion
    I was rushed... My mom made me take a shower :/ And this really didn't happen to Zack Ryder.... Other than the fact the hair cut... Later when i make i Chapter 2 this weekend... (Teacher making us do a play script :/ ) I will to busy on a certian something... TY for the critque tho!

    No-L GamingTV~
    PM or VM me if your interested in my channel. I got 2 subs and 6 videos.

  6. #6
    chase123456tan's Avatar
    chase123456tan is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,730

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    I though cha left us.

    *gives dark blue balloon*
    WELCOME BACK,JEZZI!
    KATAANG
    I'm taking the Timeless Isle for the GEAR!
    Beware, Thunder King, nobody is safe from my monk.

  7. #7
    Overlord Joshua's Avatar
    Overlord Joshua is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,886

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by chase123456tan View Post
    I though cha left us.

    *gives dark blue balloon*
    WELCOME BACK,JEZZI!
    OMG Chasey!!!!!! Hi *hugssssss* *starts pumping fist* How do you like my story... *changes to Zack ryder* Hmmph???

    No-L GamingTV~
    PM or VM me if your interested in my channel. I got 2 subs and 6 videos.

  8. #8
    The Flaming Trident's Avatar
    The Flaming Trident is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    2,457

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    The storyline looks like it has some good potential dealing with Ryder's change, and a feud with Ryback. I'm not sure about FRI's rules about violence (The show is a PG, even Free Realms has a higher parental rating than it) but maybe rather than just say that he flat-out lost it'd be pretty nice to maybe describe the match? Something like:

    I go for a Rough-Ryder, but he catches me mid-air, and BOOM. Next thing I know, I'm laying on the mat getting pinned after a devastating Shell-Shocked.

    It'd sort of provide some nice imagery and still have that wrestling element which is a good chunk of what WWE is about (as well as give you more content in the story).

    One more thing, is if you're not happy with it or if you feel rushed, you don't need to post it. This isn't a job where you get fired if something is late; it's okay if you need to take your time.

    Just some constructive criticism. Don't have to use it if you don't want to, it's your story not mine.

    Hope to see more.
    Last edited by The Flaming Trident; 05-21-2013 at 07:16 PM.
    "This forum is now closed and read-only" - No one ever

  9. #9
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
    jaaaaaaaaack is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    4,126

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by Overlord Joshua View Post
    I was rushed... My mom made me take a shower :/ And this really didn't happen to Zack Ryder.... Other than the fact the hair cut... Later when i make i Chapter 2 this weekend... (Teacher making us do a play script :/ ) I will to busy on a certian something... TY for the critque tho!

    You don't have to feel like you need to post it if you aren't satisfied with it, you don't have to post it the same day you think of it (or even a few days later) so no need to rush it. If it didn't really happen to Zack Ryder, a person like me, who doesn't even know of that person until you said something about him, will get the idea of imagination and reality confused. Never the less, you should finish writing if you are passionate about it so I wish you luck with this and your script.

    Also, i noticed you do "...." a lot in general. It isn't a good thing to do that in your story

    Last edited by jaaaaaaaaack; 05-21-2013 at 07:13 PM.



  10. #10
    Overlord Joshua's Avatar
    Overlord Joshua is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    4,886

    Default Re: WWE: WWWYKI A Zack Ryder fan fiction! chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by jaaaaaaaaack View Post

    You don't have to feel like you need to post it if you aren't satisfied with it, you don't have to post it the same day you think of it (or even a few days later) so no need to rush it. If it didn't really happen to Zack Ryder, a person like me, who doesn't even know of that person until you said something about him, will get the idea of imagination and reality confused. Never the less, you should finish writing if you are passionate about it so I wish you luck with this and your script.

    Also, i noticed you do "...." a lot in general. It isn't a good thing to do that in your story

    I know... It is a habbit... I thought of the story at least............. 1 half years ago........ Yeah. I had most of it written.... On Word....

    No-L GamingTV~
    PM or VM me if your interested in my channel. I got 2 subs and 6 videos.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •