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  1. #1
    AmazinKat's Avatar
    AmazinKat is offline Master Gamer
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    Jul 2011
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    Icon12 How my life changed on July 14 chapter four is finally out

    Chapter Four
    I looked at Veronica. Veronica looked at the vampire. The vampire looked at me. There was a silence, an awkward silence. I was the first to break it. I looked the vampire in the eye and said "Who are you and what do you want with my family?" "I am Lilly Duncan." said the vampire.
    "What, your last name is Duncan? Mine too." Said Veronica. "I am your Great Grandmother, I am a good vampire, not bad. It's a family trate to be a vampire. So it was your parents time to become one." Lilly sat down on the couch and gave us a little smile. "But if your our Great Grandmother than why are you so young looking?" I asked. Lilly gave a sigh and answered '' Well Vampires don't age and I was turned to a vampire when I was only in high school." "Why am I a werewolf if my family is vampires?" asked Veronica. "Well dear I don't know, Its weird that you are a werewolf because the wolfs are our enimies. But since you are family we won't treat you like your one of our enimies." Veronica and I went to sit next to our great grandma and we just talked and talked till there was nothing else to say and by then it was 2:00 am so we brought down some pillows for Great Grandma and some blankets and we went up to our bedroom and went to sleep.


    So that was chapter 4 sorry it was soo late I had no ideas so if you have ANY ideas please PM me or VM me I hope you liked it. Please tell me what you think about it I want honest opinions so I can know if I need to change it up a bit.

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    Default Re: How my life changed on July 14 chapter four is finally out

    First off, I would like to say that this chapter is much better than your previous chapters. This chapter has better spelling and grammar.

    Now, a bit of constructive criticism...

    Your story is very fast-paced. Try adding more descriptions and details. We don't know much about your characters, which are just as important (if not more important) as the plot itself. We know the characters' names, one character's age, and... that's about it. Try describing the characters more. Express your main character's thoughts more. Adding some flaws and internal conflict to your characters help give them depth. Also, did their great grandmother have kids when she was in high school? I know it's always possible that she did, but just make sure that isn't a plot hole that has been overlooked. Make sure that somewhere in the story, the reason for Veronica being a werewolf is explained.

    Well, that's about it. I look forward to reading more! I hope I helped. I'm aspiring to be a writer myself.


    "Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

    -Lewis
    Carroll





  3. #3
    AmazinKat's Avatar
    AmazinKat is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: How my life changed on July 14 chapter four is finally out

    Thanks I will try to add more detail next time but sometimes when i start adidng detail I add way too much.

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