Play Free Realms NowJoin Free Realms Insider

Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    chase123456tan's Avatar
    chase123456tan is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,730

    Default FarmGirls and CityPeople

    Chapter 1
    Grace Comes Back
    I sat on my bed by my puppy,C.C.,she jumped down and started chasing my cat,Tarp.
    "No!Mutagus!Dont!",I said running after her.I heard a car come up the driveway.She had black hair,brown eyes,dark-pale skin,she was wearing a fancey city dress.Sissy girl....Wont have a chance riding a horse...she said as she walked up.
    "Hi,Im Grace Allen",she said,smiling.I raised my eye.
    "Im Heather McGuire",I said,smiling.
    "Heather,be a dear and show Grace to her room",mom said as she brushed her horse,Max.
    "Follow me",I said while showing her to her room in the farmhouse.
    "Ew...ewww",Grace said as she didnt dare to set down her suitcase.
    "Anything wrong?",I asked,not daring to look at her.
    "Nothing",she said,brushing the dust off her bed and setting down her suitcase.I closed the door and walked down to my room,right down the hall.She screamed.
    "AHH SNAKE!!!",Grace screamed.
    "Not snake,spider.Its harmless",I said,smashing it.Her face turned red.
    "How old are you?",Grace said as she eyed me.I was about 5"1,and I was 9.
    "Im nine,now come on",I said,throwing pants, tank top,and boots on her bed.
    "Whats this-",Grace didnt finish because I cut her off.
    "Farm-work.Now hurry up",I said,growling.I walked down-stairs and put on my knee-high boots.I grabbed a shovel and started mukking out Zippster's stable while he was in the pasture.I seen Grace walk up to me,she looked about 7.
    "What do I do?",Grace asked,puzzled.I walked out to the pasture and got Zippster and Darcy.
    "Brush Darcy",I said,smiling.
    "What?",Grae said,with a wierd look on her face.
    "No,go ride my pink fluffy unicorn",I said,madly.
    "Where is it?",Grace asked.
    "THERES NO SUCH THING!!!Just go brush Darcy.Shes over there tied up",I said,pushing the brushes into her hands.She started brushing her butt.
    "No,like this",I said,putting the brush on her neck.She didnt say a thing and she started brushing.I got a saddle and bridle.
    "Come on,we are going for a ride",I said,putting her on the back of the saddle.We rode around the place,I showed her a swimming spot,forest,and pastures.She squeezed me when we got to the forest.It was 9:50 at night when we got back.
    "Goodness gracious,where have you girls been?",Granny said as daddy made porkchops.
    "I been showing her around,Granny",I said,wiping sweat off my forehead.
    "Well put your hair in buns and put on your pajamas",Granny said,setting up plates and bowls.
    "Why are you freaking out about everything,Grace?",I asked,wondering.
    "Im from the city,and Im not very tough",Grace said tieing her hair in buns.We walked down the stone path as she continued to ask questions.
    "Just be...QUIET",I said,nearly screaming.

    Chapter 2 Coming.
    | All About Me |
    KATAANG
    I'm taking the Timeless Isle for the GEAR!
    Beware, Thunder King, nobody is safe from my monk.

  2. #2
    GabbyClark1's Avatar
    GabbyClark1 is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,063

    Default Re: FarmGirls and CityPeople

    Nice chapter.

    Okay. I do have some advice, however.

    You are supposed to quote like this: "Words words," The comma, period, question mark, exclamation point goes before the last quotaion mark.

    Words, in writing, are technically supposed to be spaced twice, but that's not a big deal.

    After every sentence, you are supposed to have a space or two after each sentence.

    Try to have some sentences like this: "Words," She said, "Words!" She said yelling. Basically I mean breaking off some sentences if the characters voice changes emotion.

    Also, it isn't needed to have more than one exclamation point or even capitalize words to show exclamation. That's up to the writer, however.

    Otherwise, this is a great story.
    Spoiler: show
    Check out my poems thread. And no link o.o Find it yourself under the creative writing section o.o

  3. #3
    chase123456tan's Avatar
    chase123456tan is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,730

    Default Re: FarmGirls and CityPeople

    Okay.Thanks,Gabby.It really helps.
    KATAANG
    I'm taking the Timeless Isle for the GEAR!
    Beware, Thunder King, nobody is safe from my monk.

  4. #4
    ninjablade2000's Avatar
    ninjablade2000 is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    5,585

    Default Re: FarmGirls and CityPeople

    Nice story.

    What kinda made me laugh, no offence, is where Gabby posted that and you still haven't put a space after your commas or full stops. Knowing that is what gives me the skills of someone four years older than me at literacy
    hello



  5. #5
    chase123456tan's Avatar
    chase123456tan is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    2,730

    Default Re: FarmGirls and CityPeople

    I dont really pay much attention,I half to do it once and then I continue to do it,and I forgot.
    KATAANG
    I'm taking the Timeless Isle for the GEAR!
    Beware, Thunder King, nobody is safe from my monk.

  6. #6
    Ciana Winterblossom's Avatar
    Ciana Winterblossom is offline Master Gamer
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    11,302

    Default Re: FarmGirls and CityPeople

    Nice story!

    Sayonara Free Realms.
    I can be found on DC Universe Online. IGN - Suya
    I can also be found here.


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •