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  1. #1
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
    jaaaaaaaaack is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Faith ~ Chapter 1

    I already posted this on the blog but i want more opinions so i'm going to post them here. and I didn't know this section existed xD


    I opened my eyes and felt soft grass under me. I sat up and looked around and said, "Where am I?" I was in a field that i had no idea how i had gotten at. I was sitting on emerald green grass and the sky was a bright, light baby blue color. "This field is very strange," I thought to myself. There are flowers here too, but they were all dead. Their all over the place. While still looking around at the dead flowers, i saw him. He was about six feet tall, Bright blue eyes, and pitch black hair that slightly covered his eyes. He was wearing black skinny jeans, a low cut, tight, v-neck black shirt with black converses. The stranger was leaning up against a dark brown oak tree and looking right at me. He gave me a cocky grin and vanished before my eyes. I stood up and thought to myself, strange, where did he go?
    "Well, good morning ,sleeping beauty." I heard a seductive male voice say. I looked over to my right and he was beside me, inches away from my lips. Startled, I backed up and said "Who are you?" He looked at me as if he was amused with his approach to me "That's non of your business right now, but i'll tell you this, I'm your worst enemy." "What do you mean by "worst enemy"?" "Like I said, it's non of your business right now" he said with a sharp tone. He looked behind himself, what seemed like hours, was only a few seconds later when he said "We need to get you away from this place." He turned so that his back was facing me, "Well, come on! Get on my back, hurry!" "Umm why?" "So we can go somewhere safe." "No thanks, I don't even know you ..."Oh, whatever, I'll just have to force you to come with me then." "You can't force me." I tried saying in a confident voice but ended up shakey.
    The stranger turned around and leaned forward, putting his lips next to my neck, "Oh really? We'll just see about that.." My world was consumed with black spots then simply, nothing was left of this stranger and the strange field.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I awoke in my bed, screaming. What had just happened to me? Was that all just a dream? I listened as I heard foot steps coming closer, then a knock on the door. I hid under my blanket, as if it would protect me from what was about to happen next.
    "Nicolette? Are you ok?" Trying to sound like I was fully awake, I said "Yeah, I'm fine. Can I help you?" "I heard screaming and just wanted to know if your ok." Oh, had I screamed that loud? I took the blanket off my head and said,"I'm fine mom. I really don't need you checking in on me but thanks anyways..." I could hear the hurt in her voice when she said "Ok sweety, i'll be in the kitchen if you need me." I waited until i heard her footsteps fade in the distance. I got up and sat on the edge of my bed.
    I wish she didn't seem so sad and over protective all the time but my father died three years ago in a car accident when he was coming to pick me up from school. I looked up to my dad and I couldn't stop crying for the longest time. My mom and I have never been that close, but there are pretty good reasons for this. For one, she started drinking after I was born, and my dad told her that if she didn't stop that he would either take me and leave or start hiding her drinks.
    Thankfully she decided to let him take her drinks but she always cracked and found them anyways. I guess it isn't actually a pretty good reason to not be close with her but she always neglected me, was drunk, and just simply didn't care for me when dad was around. And don't get me wrong, I love my mom, of course. Anyways she changed when he died and she swore to be more of a loving mother and stop drinking, So far she has been true to her word.
    I got up from the bed and put on a clean pair of black jeans, a white shirt that said "Pump Up The Jam," on it. I love this shirt, It's also my lucky shirt. Which is why I'm wearing it today, Since today might be a bad day at least I can have some hope of something good happening. I walked over to my door and when I opened it, and smelt eggs and bacon. Yumm. Maybe today won't be so bad after all.
    --
    ^.^ tell me your opinions please, and I know I have some improper grammar in it..
    Last edited by jaaaaaaaaack; 09-25-2011 at 03:00 AM. Reason: not spelling things correctly



  2. #2
    Ella Sparkleflower's Avatar
    Ella Sparkleflower is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    How can I put this?

    Love- Ing- It.
    Write more already! And you don't really need to change the grammar so soon- it really shows that a teenager, startled, has no need for it. It would be nice, but I like it the way it is. The beginning gave me goosebumps, and I absolutely want to read more of it. Who was the stranger?
    ~rrrroooommmaaanntiiiccc coonnffliicccttttt-ah!~

    SEID IHR DAS ESSEN? NIEN, WIR SIND DIE J√ĄGER

  3. #3
    Miss Morose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    Oh! I forgot you said you posted this, love the story! n_n Any clue when you'll be posting the rest?
    Morose: Having a withdrawn gloomy personality.
    IGN: Heather Mistblade

  4. #4
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
    jaaaaaaaaack is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by Ella Sparkleflower View Post
    How can I put this?

    Love- Ing- It.
    Write more already! And you don't really need to change the grammar so soon- it really shows that a teenager, startled, has no need for it. It would be nice, but I like it the way it is. The beginning gave me goosebumps, and I absolutely want to read more of it. Who was the stranger?
    ~rrrroooommmaaanntiiiccc coonnffliicccttttt-ah!~
    ^.^ You'll see who the stranger is later in the next chapter. and Thanks for liking it :]



  5. #5
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
    jaaaaaaaaack is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Morose View Post
    Oh! I forgot you said you posted this, love the story! n_n Any clue when you'll be posting the rest?
    Ah, I guess when more people comment on this xD



  6. #6
    Tabi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    The Beginning Gave Me GooseBumps Too<3 I NEVER Read These Things , Lol . But I Read Yours & DEMAND MORE . RIGHT MEOW ! c:


  7. #7
    Miss Morose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    Quote Originally Posted by jaaaaaaaaack View Post
    Ah, I guess when more people comment on this xD
    *Tugs on Jackie's sleeve*

    Pweash post moar! =D
    Morose: Having a withdrawn gloomy personality.
    IGN: Heather Mistblade

  8. #8
    jaaaaaaaaack's Avatar
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    fine fine I'll upload the second chapter >.>



  9. #9
    3daysgrace's Avatar
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    Oh my god jaaaaaaaaack I am loving this story! its very good and creative cant wait to read more ^_^
    "Stand up for what you believe in even if that means standing alone" ~Andy

  10. #10
    nataliemerrygem's Avatar
    nataliemerrygem is offline Amateur Gamer
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    Default Re: Faith ~ Chapter 1

    This story is awesome i am going to go ahead and read chapter 2 right now


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