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Title: The Entities

  1. #1
    Gummybearzrawr's Avatar
    Gummybearzrawr is offline Master Gamer
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    Default The Entities

    So um... I'm thinking about writing a book? This is the prologue, you should tell me what you think


    The Entities

    Prologue

    "Mommy, scare the monsters away," a little girl begged from a tiny bed. A woman was standing in the doorway.

    "Sweetie, there aren't any bad monsters under your bed," the mother moved towards the bed at the other end of the room.

    "Please!"the girl pleaded, clutching her teddy bear to her chest as if her life depended on it. "Derek is scared, too."

    The woman's kind smile dropped. "Honey, you need to make some real friends. Friends from your school. You know, that red-haired boy seemed to like you at Teacher Conferences. Derek is a good imaginary friend, but you need one who can play tag and have a snowball fight with."

    The little girl matched her mother's unhappy expression. "All the other kids at school call me Little Crazy Eva," she muttered softly into her teddy bear. Her blonde hair shielded her small face.

    A troubled look crossed her mother's face before she recovered and slapped a warm smile back on. "Go to bed, sweetie," she softly ordered, and leaned down to kiss the girl on the forehead.

    Her mother got up and walked towards the door.

    "You didn't scare away the monsters," the girl said in a tiny voice.

    The woman pretended she didn't hear, and quickly closed the door. The little girl waited for the shadows of her mother's feet, hesitating to leave, before she spoke.

    "Derek, could you shut off the lights?" she asked the air.

    The switch flipped down and the room was plunged into darkness, except for a creepy red glow emitting from the digital clock resting on the nightstand.

    "Don't be scared, Derek," the little girl said as she curled into a ball under the sheets, holding the teddy bear tightly.

    Then the noises started.





    IGN~Gummy
    ßear

  2. #2
    Sarannah's Avatar
    Sarannah is offline Pro Gamer
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    Default Re: The Entities

    I think it's good, really good. I can't write stories.
    Gummybearzrawr likes this.
    "Why bother?"

  3. #3
    Gummybearzrawr's Avatar
    Gummybearzrawr is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Entities

    Thank you ^^ I'm thinking about posting the next chapter sometime.
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    IGN~Gummy
    ßear

  4. #4
    MirandaFlamestory's Avatar
    MirandaFlamestory is offline Amateur Gamer
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    Default Re: The Entities

    Whoa o_o
    Sounds like a scary/creepy book, I've never read a scary book before. You should definitely pursue this because I would love for it to be the first scary book I've read (:
    It really caught my attention, and your vocabulary is amazing! I love it! (:
    And who is this Derek!? :O I must know!
    Last edited by MirandaFlamestory; 10-16-2013 at 09:50 PM.

    Èmma & Barbìe
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  5. #5
    Aubss's Avatar
    Aubss is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Entities

    Very well written Gummy. I love the story so far.
    I was thinking of making a story myself, based on my favourite book series, Warriors.

  6. #6
    Sunzia's Avatar
    Sunzia is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Entities

    Great at drawing, advice, being a big sister, actually not making me sad at all, and a awesome righter, and everything i forgot. Your awesome continue writing im desprate for more. (Jealousy risesh
    Thanks for the memories!

  7. #7
    Gummybearzrawr's Avatar
    Gummybearzrawr is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Entities

    Yay Thanks for all the support peeps. I shall work on the first Chapter today, since I have no school. c:

    IGN~Gummy
    ßear

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