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  1. #1
    trish19's Avatar
    trish19 is offline Master Gamer
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    Default The Corrected Book of A Girl: *Not Named Yet*

    Hello, My old creative thread called "A Girl" is now corrective and I really want to know hot to publish the book when I'm done. I would be glad if you guys have a suggestion for the story or maybe a name suggestion. Thank You :] And P.S some people in FRI are included in this story. And P.S.S The copying from Microsoft Word is not working, Sorry.

    I was a girl. Just a girl I was. An average girl. The girl is named Trish. There was a person right behind me, watching me. For every step I take, I can feel her. Yes, the person is a girl. I can feel it. It's Strong, very strong. As I Turn... Puff* Nobody was seen by my eyes. Was the feeling true or was it just my imagination? I wonder who am I and why millions questions fill my brain right this moment? In times like these I must be wondering about her. But I have a strong feeling she was me. When I turned back on the track to home, I heard it… again Puff* the sound of hers. I finally realized that I was lost, in a forest full of trees and leaves. I walked slowly onto the fallen leaves. I couldn't hear my feet crunching the leaves, but I heard something....... it...it was her. She finally escapes from her shadow. Being free...Being wild.... Like what I imagined, it was me. She acted confident. A proud girl, a girl I was trying to be. She looks like me....Was it true? Is she me? But probably she escaped out of my heart. I wonder. Can she speak? I think she can, by the way she might be me.....The Real Me.
    I took a deep Breath and I went to her. She stared at me. Looking clueless, I step in front of her. Puff* She was gone. A moment later.....She ....Puff* was behind me. I turn around waiting for her to speak. She didn't. "Who are you? What is your name?” I asked. "Jeverance.", she replied. "Jeverance?” I asked. "Your name is Jeverance?" Puff* She disappeared but reappeared next to a tree. She went north. Is this the journey to a new beginning? Am in this fairy tale where everything can come true? Wrong. That was my answer for now. We were just going around the forest. She led to a lake, not so far from the place we met. "I am Tina. I cannot talk when I am not near water and I can only say Jeverance.” She said."Is this our journey?” I asked. Were we here for a reason? Does she need to talk for something important? What was it? What did she want from me?
    She shot me a look, a strict look. She knew what I was thinking. Very Strange. She went. "Where are you going?” I asked. She looked back and smiled. Then she went and disappeared in the shadows of the forest. I went to find her.....Puff* a strange little creature was there. Yes, it was a cute creature that reminds me of some cute creatures in anime... "Hi! My name is ....um...I forgot my name....” the little creature said. "I'll name you...Your name is Yori.” I smiled as I spoke. "Ok! Hi! My name is Yori!!!!" “I know that.....” I spoke under my breath "Off to a new journey Trish! Follow me!” Yori said. Yori went to me but why? How does Yori know my name? While we were walking there was a silence but Yori broke it. "I am your partner now!" "Why?" I asked. "Why not!? Well the queen said to find a partner." Yori was shocked. "Ok....." I looked at the ground... "My name is Yori. I am a Female. I come from the island." "What island..?" I asked. "The Island!".... "Ok...”
    We went uphill and we swam in the blue water until a figure appeared. We swam until we landed on the island. A group of students were going to class. I saw a school. There was my cousin. "Here we are! Magic school!" said my partner. "Hmm...." I looked at another Direction and saw two more other schools. Yori looked at my way. "Huh!’’ ”What?” I asked. "That’s Mage School" "And that’s Potion School?" I asked. "Wow." Yori shook her head "What!? I am Getting Annoyed!!!""You are a real member of this world." I Laughed. "You are kidding!!!!!""I saw your reaction when you saw your cousin. They all take part here."
    I fainted. Yori laughed. "Lucky you… He he if you were on cement you would you to the Goblin's Booty Hospital." When I woke up I saw my brother. "Hmm... Finally! You are old enough to know about this." What!? What happened? Did I have an accident and my brother got me? And Yori and everybody else was a Dream when I got the accident? What? What did happen?
    "Hmm? Brian." "Yes?" "How did I get here?" Brian coughs loudly. "Um... You fell from Dad’s bike." Brian doesn’t look sure but it doesn't matter. Later, I saw Yori come in and I open my mouth widely with a huge surprise. "What!!???” I look at Brian. He laughs and stands up away from the chair. Yori Waved "Howdah Peeps!” "How’s it going, Yori!?" I asked like I was trying to talking to my brother. When he saw the look he turns around to look at something else. Yori walked to the Healer. “~~~~~~~" I stared at Yori and the healer. "What are they saying...?” It seems like I’m in a different Universe. "You don’t understand huh?" Brian asked. "OF COURSE I DONT KNOW!" I said loudly. There was a big silence after what I had said. The healer asked"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~” Yori replied “~~~~~~~". "You will learn in this school but first rest." said Brian. "Okay fine," I replied "so I have to take wizard school?"Brian laughs. "No. you will take a test to see what wizard or healer you are.” Brian hands me a sheet.
    •Potion Master ▬ Mage
    •----------------------
    •Light …….Light
    •Dark …… Dark
    •Fire …….. Fire
    •Water ….Water

    Huh? Where am I? Weren’t I in the Healers Cabin? But how am I here? (Note: She is in her house) A lighting stroke and there was a shadow on the wall. What!? A Girl appears in front of me.
    You? Again? Where? When? How did it get here?
    She toke my hand and walked out of the house. And There I woke up. "Rise and Shine!" Yori said. "~~~~~~~" said the healer. "He said Good Morn," Yori explained. "Good Morning!" I replied.”Where is My Brother?" I asked. "He went to school. You everybody needs to go to school." My partner replied. "The Healer said that you will be fine until tomorrow so just relax then tomorrow you become a novice in your brother's school. You won’t be always next to him but I know you will finds friends just when you arrive" Yori Continued. I let out a sigh of relieve and thought to myself. Why would I want to spend my day with my Brother? Yori Read my mind and said “Well if you don’t know why being with your brother is important. This is why. In this school nobody is safe. There are goblins at night and ghouls in dark rooms. HAHAHAHA did you get scared?" "Um...Sure?" I looked at Yori. " I AM SO GOOD!!!" Yori laughed. "Yep you are....." My cousin went in the cabin. "~~~~~~” Joey said. (Translation: Hey Heal Dude. My foot hurts.) "JOEY!!" I yelled. "Um... Hey?" he said without care.Huh? He doesn’t know me? What?! Why?!

    Joey ran off when his foot was healed. (Let’s see what’s happening with Joey) "Wow she is like OMG JOEY and I am like um.......who are you?" Joey said. His friends, Marth, Zack, and Tyron laughed while they listened. (Note: Before Joey went to this school...He was a lovely man and very nice but not too gentlemanly that’s why he is Trish's favorite cousin. But now when he went here, He has changed much lately, hanged up with the Bad Choice. Called the "DemonLogic". There are 5 members, Boss of the gang: UnRepter (Real name: James) The Second Elite: RelivinDemon (Real Name: Joey) Yes he is Second. Even if this group was made before he went here. He proved them strong that he is DemonLogicly to be joined there just to get respect from the whole school because he was a forgotten boy there but then he just change to a very rude person. Third Demon: Reptorz (Real Name: Tyron) Forth: DeathsDemo (Real name: Marth). Fifth Recruit: DeadZoul (Real Name: Zack). That‘s Joey’s whole life in this school. No Family is allowed.
    YES!!!!! MY SCHOOL YEAR HAS COME!!!!! "I PACK ALL MY BAGS AND MY NEW BACKAPCK IS TOTALLY AWESOME!"Yori Replied "Don’t get to exited. This Place is corrupted with deadly Ghouls and Vampiras. It is like a High School Of Monsters. You are one too. Well...you are..." "What!?" I yelled get excited. "A Human/Crow/Mermaid” my partner said. I Twitched My Eye. "WHAT!?...What’s that!!??" “Your body is Human. But if you learn the skill to be a mermaid or crow you will know how to turn into them. " "Well okay. I’m going to school now!!" And there I started the Bad and Goods.
    I walked in a scary high school. I heard no screams but it seems like newcomers would. The halls were filled with creatures. They would just switch around being human or their made creature. A girl came close by. I can find by that she was a demon or maybe something that has a dark side....a Goth girl that I might never would talk to. A cheery girl came closer to me, "HI NEWCOMER!!! " I was startled and said “Hello. What’s your name?” "She's Amanda....OH! I thought you said her!" She said pointing to the girl that went close to me. She was looking in the Shadows of the hallway. "Well my name is Carmellita or just call me Carrie" she said smiling. A guy went past me and bump into me hardly.It hurt but he didn’t notice.... He must be in a big hurry or must be mad. I thought. Carrie looked at where I was looking.
    "He's Ramen, very popular guy in school. He is naturally a Dragon.....or maybe a prince in a knight suit"
    Carrie was awfully distracted by him. When I looked at Amanda she looked nice in a kind of way. She looked at me and I smiled and then she looked back.

    Hmm this day might get better! The whole school went to class except me. I was lost in the haunted building, trapped in a huge box like I was in my old horrible selfish school I was in before all this happened. Someone grab me by the hand and hardly pulled me away to a classroom. The person was in a cloak and cannot see her/his face. Then, the cloak person dashed away. What?! Who was that? When i gazed up until the sky, I saw the person who took me to class. The Person" was flying in the bright dark blue sky but it’s still 9 o' clock. Wait! It’s One hour passed Class! I ran into a empty room where all I can see is dust and chairs. It was a very disgusting place but I saw.... a pack of great stuff to decorate the room. It was all Halloween theme stuff... or well I can say "Regular decoration stuff for this school" And there, I started to Decorate. After I was done it was beautiful. The whole class came in applauding except these 2 girls. They had great style and wore black. One girl was the one I saw at the hallway with Carrie, I think it was Amanda. She had some pink streaks on the front of her hair and she had a dragon tattoo on her side. The other girl is black and purplish style....
    "Great Job," the teacher said. He was wearing normal teacher clothes. Well I thought things here is different. Well I guess not. I thought. "Oh well, Thank you." I said nervously. Carrie looked at my outfit. I was wearing a checkered shirt black and yellow and had Black suspenders and black tie with almost ripped gray skinny jeans with some low converse that were bright yellow. My style. But I wonder why Carrie is looking at it now but not then. I was out of focus and the teacher called on me to answer a question I didn’t know. I answered “I really don’t know.” and the students laughed accept the 2 girls I mentioned and Carrie. I was just looking down at my desk depressed that this school is the same bad school I have been through all school year, I hope not. But at least I didn’t hear anybody tease me in whispers pointing looking or watching me passed by.

    Why am I here and where's my brother? I hate every school I go through, nobody will like me, understand me, and most of all, be my friend.

    I met my brother and he looked at me and passed away. The girl next to Amanda came next to me. "He is like that. If he has a member of his family here in front of in friends or in school He won’t talk to them and you are his sister right?" she asked. "How did..." I looked at her shocked. "I am a Mind Reader." There was silence after I heard what she said."Bye." she said walking to Amanda. Amanda waved at Carrie. Carrie looked and smiled then turned around to me to wave. These people are nice, I guess do have friends! I laughed loudly and the cafeteria looked at me. I was nervous while eyes were staring at me. This girl blurted, " You should get out of this place. It’s not your world. You. Don’t. Have. Magic.”And she left. I felt disappointed and headed outside when I bumped into somebody. He was the person that was mention by Carrie. He said nothing and pass through. Looking at him seems like he had tears. I followed him. Into a deep hole I went to. I didn’t want to scream, if I did he would notice I followed him. I only screamed in my head and I closed my eyes pretending it’s just a ride in the when I went to an amusement park. The guy grabbed my hand and we fell down. He noticed so I sighed."Why are you here?" He said looking seriously. "Well why were you sad and was crying?" "I didn’t cry. You can’t prove it. You. Don’t. Have magic to prove what you saw." I fell in a different tunnel. He said "Return to your class."
    After that school day I went to my dorm. It was beautiful!!! HD Plasma TV! 4 Laptops! 4 computers! All New Style! Wireless Mouse and Key Board! This is the best Place Ever! Amanda, Carrie, and the girl that was a mind reader came here. "I forgot to tell you, my name is Misty." She said while reading my mind. "Stop Misty." and then Carrie turned to me. "If you don’t want to let her read you mind just press that button over there" she pointed on the wall where it said "Press Here"

    Wow this is an awesome place! I thought. “Trish, it’s supposed to be awesome. Carrie bought it!” Misty said. I pressed the button that said “Press here”.

    I went on the internet chat with my best friend at my old school. She is a nice and stylish girl. But the whole school is another thing. Well at least I got her. "Who are you talking to?" Carrie asked while lying on her bed. "My Best friend in my old school." "Well just saying but you will visit parents when you are done with college but don’t worry your parents knows that." She said unsurely to smile or not. "Oh." I said feeling sad.

    Could this go worse...?
    Good and bad but still bad.

    I came to the next class, THE MAGIC CLASS!
    WOOT! Or maybe a bit more O's in the word "Woot". I love learning magic when I was small my uncle was saying you can let me teach you until my mom started at him strictly and before I didn’t understand but now I know what’s going on clearly. "Hey. Come on class is starting. You don’t want to be late... Ms. Harlmei isn't nice...” a girl said. I read her name tag, Jule, wonderful name."Hi Jule I am----" Carrie walked in front of me... "Hi." Weird, she, Carrie blocked my conversation. Why?
    When Carrie took my hand to our class I asked why she stopped me. "Look all the rumors say that she’s very powerful and she might have a dark side. Her parents are the evil couple that almost destroyed this school. But maybe she's nice but let’s just stay back until we know the truth. Ok?" I nodded but felt sad I thought I am sure she wouldn’t do that, she looked so happy when I spoke to her.
    I went to Summon Class, where we learn how to summon our inner selves... which I am… you know. She, Jule told me about having nobody accepting her to be roommates. I felt sad so I told her to join mine’s and my friend’s before even thinking what my roommates will say. That afternoon, when I went to my dorm, the professor was there with my Carrie, Misty, and Mandy (Amanda). They had an awfully big frown except the Professor because he finally chose a room for Jule. "Ok Girls. This is Jule." He smiled. Carrie whispered to Misty " You should read her mind if she’s bad or good." "I can’t do that... I can’t do that. What if she knows?" she shakes her head. "Something wrong Misty? Do you dislike Jule?" "No, Sir. I was just disagreeing with Carrie." Mandy jumped in Misty's and Carrie's conversation in a whisper "What’s going on???" "Oh nothing" the both whispered. I looked at them chatting and want to join in but the professor told me to go to his office... I hope I’m not in trouble.
    I went to the grand office. "Ok... Well I know that the rumors of Jule are spreading so I need your help to seek the truth. I know much of you. And if Amanda has time tell her to come to my office to help you out because she has great power and she might help you. After your next class bring her here and you both listen to the details." "Ok, Sir," I replied.
    The clang of the giant bell on the Trink Tower rang hard. "Well off you should go," said Professor Halwley. "Ok Good Day, Professor Halwley!" I yelled. "Not too loud. This is a very important place that has many people here working. So go now." I nodded and ran to my next class. After that lesson I searched for Amanda but Misty got me first and she read my mind. "Ahh... I see.... Can I come...?" "Sorry.... Do you know where Amanda is?" "Yea ok .... She is in the bathroom next to Room 24, Hall room 70," Misty said. I thanked her and then I went. "Mandy....." and I told her everything and then she nodded. "Hmm you don’t talk?” "Well.... I don’t talk as much... but yesterday was another excuse...." "Well ok lets head on over to the office.....We are totally late." We ran all the way to the grand place. It was locked.


    *Knock Knock*


    The door opened and we have seen nobody. "BOO!" Misty was there. "Hey, Hey, I love this place. Mind reading is awesome because it shows where’s keys are too! Ha ha! Now I know where the key for this place is." The Professor came in and he chuckled. "Doesn’t matter. This door has a Different lock every hour or maybe minute if an emergency has come." I looked fascinated of this creepy school. "Ok... Misty, you can join this quest too BUT without your old nonsense mind reading" He snapped his finger. "What!?? I can’t mind read no more," Misty said with a shock and a bit of disappointment."Until this quest is done you will have your powers back," Professor Halwley said sternly.

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  2. #2
    trish19's Avatar
    trish19 is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Corrected Book of A Girl: *Not Named Yet*

    Btw this story is not fully corrected

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  3. #3
    sparkles's Avatar
    sparkles is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Corrected Book of A Girl: *Not Named Yet*

    very long! rep for you!
    Well Mister Smarty Pants I don't go running around.
    -Haha funny trolololol (randomness)

  4. #4
    trish19's Avatar
    trish19 is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Corrected Book of A Girl: *Not Named Yet*

    Ahaha Yea its 6 pages so far Lol

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  5. #5
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    Default Re: The Corrected Book of A Girl: *Not Named Yet*

    Very interesting story, from when I started reading it. I can't finish it now but I will later.

  6. #6
    Piper's Avatar
    Piper is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Corrected Book of A Girl: *Not Named Yet*

    Wow its hard not to stop reading. I like your writing :]
    Im not pretty, Im not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.
    ~ Katniss Everdeen ~ District 12 tribute

  7. #7
    trish19's Avatar
    trish19 is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: The Corrected Book of A Girl: *Not Named Yet*

    Just going to bum pthis thread to se eif any other suggestions are mentioned
    and Tyvm

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