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Title: Birthmarks

  1. #1
    Danari Swiftheel's Avatar
    Danari Swiftheel is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Birthmarks

    A few nights ago I had a pretty weird dream. I have been struggling to make it into a story, and decided I would do it in parts. Here is the first one: (Sorry the pictures are so big)

    The girl ran through the forest.
    Her left hand burned as the birthmark expanded. She laughed. They would never catch her now. Still running, she examined the back of her hand. The birthmark was originally the shape of a star, and now it looked like that.

    She turned a corner and ran into something. Stunned, she tripped and blacked out.
    The girl was sitting by a bonfire, although she was much younger. Her hand was marked with only a star. She looked up to the woman on the makeshift stage, who had cleared her throat and began to speak.
    "We have been blessed with this young child," an old woman said to the crowd that had gathered. "She has been born with a special power; already she is faster than many of the people in this village. Who knows what she may accomplish? Who knows what other powers are locked within this child?"
    "I do."
    Everyone around the fire turned to look at the man who had spoken. He lifted his hand up and took off his glove. The back of his hand was covered in an intricate design of a sun. Some of the people bowed to this strange man. Some stared. The rest rushed to the girl, pulling out weapons to protect her.


    "I wouldn’t do that if I were you," spoke the man. "Give me the girl."
    At that, the people who were bowing or staring at the man drew their swords and joined the protective circle around the girl. The old woman bent down next to the girl.
    "Little one. You must use your power. Flee. Run. Go with my blessing." The priestess kissed the girl’s forehead, and the girl ran.
    That was the first time the birthmark expanded.
    Groaning, the girl woke up. Surprised that she wasn’t in shackles, she opened her eyes and looked around. She was lying on a bed in a small, cozy room with a night table. On top of the night table were a folded pair of black pants, a black tank top, and
    Black gloves! As she looked at her left hand, the door opened and a boy entered. She was ready to run until he showed her his marked hand. Then she jumped off of the bed and ran towards the door. He cut her off.

    "Please calm down. I’m just trying to help."
    "Yes," she snarled. "Just like every other person that has tried to help me." Except two.
    "I see we’ve got a newcomer," spoke a girl that had just walked into the room. She showed the boy her hand, almost as a sign of respect.

    "Yes, Lani," said the boy.
    The girl backed away from the pair at the door, determined to get out. She looked for a window, but there was only one exit in the room, which was still blocked by Lani and the boy.
    "I don’t think she’s ready to talk to us yet, Matthias," Lani told him as she walked out the door.
    "Well," shrugged Matthias, "you kind of have to be ready to talk. Otherwise, there is nothing we can do for you and we will put you back where we found you. Now, let us start with something simple. What is your name?"
    "Seredia."


    Her hand burned. Seredia turned around, only to see another arrow buzzing toward her. She dodged it with ease, her seven-year-old body speeding up to keep her out of danger. The man notched another arrow to his bow, took aim, and fired. It sunk deep into the tree next to Seredia.
    "Child, this isn't neccisary! Stop, and I can help you!"
    Seredia sped up again. She did not want to be caught. In fact, the only reason she had stayed in the village was because of the priestess.
    An arm reached around the tree, catching Seredia and dragging her to the back side of the tree. She stumbled and fell into a hole that had appeared in the bark. Darkness surrounded her, and she heard the man's voice, but like he was seperated from her by something.
    The earth! she thought. I'm underground!
    When his voice faded away, Seredia heard a fire being lit. She turned around to see a young woman looking at Seredia's hand. She bowed, and then spoke.
    "Seredia. I've been expecting you."
    Seredia awoke, unknowingly crying in her sleep. Brushing away her tears, she quicky dressed in the black clothes that had been given to her the night before. Right after she finished pulling on her gloves, Matthias walked in.
    "I see the clothes fit. Very good. Well, Seredia, I think we should continue where we left off. How old are you?"
    Seredia sighed. Why does it matter?
    "I'm sixteen."
    "Interesting. Can I see your mark?"
    She held out her hand to him, glove and all. If he wants to see it, he can take off the glove himself.
    Matthias stared at Seredia for a second, then shrugged and removed the glove. He gasped.
    "Seredia! I had no idea your birthmark had expanded so much. According to the rules here, you could be second in command!"
    Here? Where is here? And second in command? Who is first? And of what? thought Seredia.
    As if reading her mind, Matthias answered," 'Here' is Elemoni, which isn't that far from your village. I am the leader of the birthmarked here. Everyone is under eighteen, because that's usually when people leave here. We protect the people from the first of the marked, who was after you the night we brought you here. Many people here think he wants to experiment on other marked people."
    Seredia blinked. Was he the same man that was after me nine years ago?
    Last edited by Danari Swiftheel; 11-30-2009 at 08:20 PM.

  2. #2
    alex85's Avatar
    alex85 is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    O.o thats and odd but cool dream you had danari

  3. #3
    Danari Swiftheel's Avatar
    Danari Swiftheel is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    well, only the part with seredia running and blacking out was my dream. the rest i just added.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    oh lol still cool though...............

  5. #5
    Orthuss's Avatar
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    That's a nice Idea, I just finished reading it.

    FR Names - Orth (Pixie Guy Main), Kanji Tatsumi (Human Guy Alt)
    Guess who's back? Back again?

  6. #6
    Danari Swiftheel's Avatar
    Danari Swiftheel is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    Thanks!
    New addition

  7. #7
    Orthuss's Avatar
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    I hereby clap again.

    FR Names - Orth (Pixie Guy Main), Kanji Tatsumi (Human Guy Alt)
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  8. #8
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    An interesting story. You spelled "necessary" wrong, though. A bit more detail in the actions and some detail of the surroundings (like in the flashbacks) would make the story more mesmerizing. The pictures are rather interesting; did you draw them yourself? Oh, and a final note: I can tell you must read quite a few books, mostly from the way you split Matthias's text near the end, but I think you should only make a new paragraph when someone is speaking if the text is long, and I mean about ten lines long.
    Overall, it's very good so far, and one of the best stories I've seen. You definitely show grammatical comprehension.

  9. #9
    Danari Swiftheel's Avatar
    Danari Swiftheel is offline Master Gamer
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    Thanks.
    See! I told you...now I know what to fix!
    And yes, I was to lazy to look up how to spell necessary
    Oh and I did draw the pics by hand

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Birthmarks

    Quote Originally Posted by Danari Swiftheel View Post
    Thanks.
    See! I told you...now I know what to fix!
    And yes, I was to lazy to look up how to spell necessary
    Oh and I did draw the pics by hand
    Mhm, that picture of the (is that?) tornado kind of gave it away.
    And I'm usually too lazy to look up the spellings, too. But when I start spelling it differently every time I write it, I get irritated since I tend to be consistent.

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